Is your stocking hung by the chimney with care, or is it hanging by a thread? During the holiday season, it is very easy to get swept up in the parties, shopping, decorating, hosting, planning, magic-making, family gatherings, financial pressure, traditions, and all of the other tasks and joyous events that distract us from checking in with ourselves. The holiday season, for many people, can tend to stir up some painful memories along with the pleasant ones. My hope is this information will help you honor your body’s cues so you can move through the holidays while honoring your needs.
In EMDR therapy, we pay close attention to how the nervous system communicates: through sensations, emotions, images, impulses, and patterns of activation. During the holidays, learning to listen to these signals can be one of the most grounding and protective things you do for yourself.
Below are some ways to tune into your nervous system and support regulation during this season.
1. Notice Your Body’s First Whisper
Your nervous system rarely starts with a shout.
More often, it begins with a subtle cue like tight shoulders before a gathering, a quicker breath when thinking about travel, or a heaviness in the chest when reading a family group message. These sensations are little taps on the shoulder from your nervous system saying “this is too much”; “I need a pause”, “this doesn’t feel safe”, or “I need to check in with my support system”. Ask yourself, “what is my body telling me right now?”
2. Validate Your Reactions
Our nervous systems react based on present-moment cues and past experiences. If holidays have been stressful, chaotic, or painful in the past, your body may anticipate that stress, even if things are different now. This is a learned response.
In EMDR, we work with these stored memories so the body no longer feels stuck in old patterns. Until then, it’s okay to validate your body’s responses:
“It makes sense that I feel this way.” Naming your feelings is a form of regulation. Self-compassion is also a form of regulation.
3. Give Yourself Permission to Opt Out
Your body may send a clear “no” to certain events, conversations, or expectations. Listening doesn’t mean isolation, it means choosing what truly supports your well-being. Ask yourself, “what is it about this situation that feels unsettling?”
You’re allowed to:
- Leave a gathering early
- Set boundaries with relatives
- Skip an event
- Say “I need a break”
- Choose a quiet holiday
- Change your mind
- Change the “venue” — you do not need to be the host, even if you said you would be!
- Create new traditions that feel safer or more meaningful
Your nervous system does best when it knows you’re honoring its limits.
4. Co-Regulate With People Who Feel Safe
Sometimes regulation comes through connection.
If you notice your system moving into anxiety, shutdown, or irritability, reach out to someone who feels grounding. This might be a friend, partner, therapist, coworker, or trusted family member. To be grounded is to be connected to the present moment and present safety.
Try sharing something simple:
- “Things feel overwhelming right now.”
- “Can we talk for a few minutes?”
- “Can I sit with you while I calm down?”
Healthy co-regulation is nourishment, especially during a busy season.
5. Practice “Micro-Regulation” Throughout the Day
You don’t need a long meditation or a full break to soothe your nervous system. Small shifts add up. Consider trying:
- Orienting: Let your eyes slowly scan the room to remind your body that you’re safe.
- Grounding touch: Place a hand on your chest or your arms and apply gentle pressure.
- Temperature shifts: Hold something warm or cool.
- Slow exhales: Lengthen the out-breath to stimulate the parasympathetic system.
- Smell a comforting candle.
- Step outside and take 3 long, deep, controlled breaths — in through your nose, out through your mouth.
These practices can help bring your system back to the present.
6. If the Holidays Trigger Deeper Material, You’re Not Alone
For some, the holidays stir up memories that EMDR therapy is specifically designed to help process, whether they relate to childhood experiences, relational trauma, grief, or significant life transitions. If you notice recurring emotional patterns, flashbacks, or a sense of being “on edge,” it may be an invitation to bring this into your next session or initiate therapy for additional support.
If you are already in therapy at Creekside, remember to utilize the resources you already have as well. Your container or “vault” may be a helpful tool when you need to compartmentalize or put disruptive thoughts, feelings or memories away until your next session. Using your calm state is a discrete and helpful way to regulate your nervous system in the moment, even around family.
Healing doesn’t pause for the holidays and you don’t have to navigate it alone.
You Deserve a Season That Feels Regulated, Safe, and Attuned
Listening to your nervous system is an act of self-care and self-respect. It helps you move through the holidays with more groundedness, presence, and choice. If you’d like support in understanding your nervous system or working through holiday-related stress or memories, EMDR therapy can help create space for healing and lasting change.
You deserve to experience both internal and external safety in every moment.